We hope everyone has been enjoying the Olympics — we sure have! Today things wrap up with the Closing Ceremony, which for our purposes doubles as a big ol’ Brit-styled birthday shindig for everyone’s favorite Honey Badger, Tanner! We mean, Olympic flame or 204 birthday candles for the Street One?
Po-tay-to, pa-tah-do. (8.16 candles for each year old is totally the new thing to do, by the way.)
Now, the Closing Ceremony featured a cornucopia of British music, from The Who to One Direction, the Spice Girls to George Michael (who, along with Richard Marx, was in the rotation of boyfriends for our Barbies when we were growing up). But we can’t help but feel that one thing was missing. One thing that, despite our best efforts, has remained missing from our blog lives in general. And that would be the jingle Tanner and his family wrote and performed to win the Cottonelle Tales of Best Friends and Family contest back in 2005. As best we can tell, it was a song about toilet paper and their dog. That Tanner did the beat boxing for, of course.
Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “Troi and Crusher, y’all have made up some ridiculous stuff in your time, but this is just too far. There’s no way you can expect me to believe this.”
Well, you know what they say: seeing is believing.
So… that happened.
Now, when we stumbled upon this, our first thought was, “HOW DID NO ONE TELL US ABOUT THIS?!?!?!” We mean, we understand why Tanner would want to keep it on the downlow, but you would think that McButters would have emailed us this as a tip when we dug this gem out of the Frequency vaults. But no dice. We found this on our own. And then tried desperately to find the video for all of you. You see, we could find this screen on the Cottonelle website:
But “clicking here” only led to a dead webpage, with no toilet paper song goodness to be found.
In fact, the best evidence we could find was this pic of the Nilssons in their football jerseys that were apparently featured in the video and their adorable little pup.
We even went so far as to email Cottonelle’s parent company to see if they could help us procure the video, but received this in response:
So, in lieu of toilet paper aural goodness, we’ll all just have to imagine what must have been. And spend some time wishing happy birthday to the man who made those dreams possible. Thanks, Tanner! We may never have contemplated a canine / beat boxing / toilet paper conglomeration without you… in fact, we’re pretty sure you’re the only person in the world who would successfully combine those things into a prize-winning jingle. Now, if only someone would get us the video…
-Troi and Crusher
You guys, it’s like it’s our birthday! Tanner himself emailed us this link shortly after we published the post. The fact that he showed enough “don’t care-ness” to self-submit this video is just further proof that he truly is a honey badger. Street.
Bahahahahahahaha!! This is one of the few times in life where the reality exceeds anything our imagination could have dreamed up.
Best. Hot. Mess. Ever.