We’d really wanted to write a post about a different Jake-centric performance to fully introduce the Creepy Jake concept, but since it’s the day after Christmas, we figured now was as good a time as any to knock this one out. Here’s the video we’ll use for reference:
(credit to mrduckbear11 for the video)
First thing you’ll notice is that unfortunately, Ben and Tyler were unable to be there for taping. Something about finals for school or some other such responsible nonsense. Now then, could we just start off by saying how hilarious it is to watch Tanner shiver while dropping the beat? Seriously. Holding down the beat whilst doing his best to sell the bizarro staging. Which, really, why are they staged to be outside? Were the producers at all familiar with the song? Had they bothered to listen to it? Hint: first line is “The weather outside is frightful…” Out. Side. Thus implying the singer and his homies are inside. Which is why they are okay with it snowing. Geez, get with it, producers.
At :13 we get to watch Jake stumble (stumble? too much scrumdiddlyumpious eggnog?) closer to center and take his solo. Creepy Jake might be Creepy Jake-ing all over the place, but the boy can croon his way into our jaded little hearts any day of the week.
We need to talk about the travesty that nearly ruins our faith in humanity at :48. McKay blows a bell kick. BLOWS A BELL KICK.
McButters, this is not acceptable. The bell kick is one of the quintessential Shelf Person moves. We expect more from you and your adorableness! Robert managed the most technically perfect bell kick in the group and didn’t miss a beat of the bass line.
And then the whole thing goes to pot when, at 1:03, Nick Lachey feels the need to come on stage and remind everyone that he used to be a singer in a semi-popular boy band. We end up spending the entire time he’s singing wishing for Creepy Jake to come back and are more relieved than we should be when Jake hops back on lead vocals (even if he does have to share them with Nick) at the 1:30 mark.
A moment of adorable McAwesomeness pops up at 1:44 when McKay and Ross high-five each other as they cross the stage. We’re wondering if Keith felt a little snubbed here. That’s what happens when you steal all the Rascal Flatts’ glory, Kevin. And then… then it starts snowing. Indoors. Onstage. When eight guys are all singing and two of them are seriously belting the last lines of the song. This is when the producers thought “Hey, you know what would be awesome? FAKE SNOW! Yeah, stuff’s great! Gets everywhere, makes the floor slippery, and burns like fire (retardant) if you inhale it on accident. Order a boatload of the stuff!”
But then again, if there were no snow, there would be no a cappella snow angels. And we lurve the snow angels.
So Nick goes to wrap up the little VP segment with a post-performance interview with Creepy Jake and judges’ comments. We’re sure he (foolishly) thought this would be quick and painless. He clearly underestimated Jake’s ability to say the most awkward and random string of words ever.
Nick: (regarding “Sinatra-style music”) “What is it that draws you guys to that style of music? What is it about that style of music?”
Creepy Jake: “Well, uh, I think we like it ’cause it’s fun. It’s a lot of fun. It’s fun to hear, it’s more fun to do. And another thing about it is that it’s timeless. It’s classic for a reason. (It’s right about this point – 3:05 – that McCrockett stops smiling in the background, and even sweet Michael starts to look a little concerned. We can only imagine that they must have known this was about to go horribly, horribly awry.) And after the bell bottoms and after the hair is gone, we’re going to keep singing it. So, we love this style.”
Nick: “Well one thing’s for sure, you can definitely hold a note a lot longer than I can.”
The bell bottoms and the hair? Jake! What decade were you born in, sweet pea? Oh well, whatever.
All in all, the guys put out a solid final performance, even if it was interrupted by a throwback solo for Nick.
-Troi and Crusher